Book Review - A Grace Given

A Grace Given: A Father’s Love for a Dying Child

A Book Review by Kristine Cranley

“In the years that we have lived with Elie’s terminal illness, I have often sensed in other people the belief that it would be better if Elie were to die sooner rather than later.  It always remains unspoken, but the way they frame their thoughts or prognosticate our future, I feel certain that they assume God’s blessing to us would be for Elie to die soon and without pain.  For whatever reason, these people feel she is a hardship, that it would make our lives easier or steadier if she were gone, that it would strengthen our marriage by giving us more time together, less stress. … but these people are fools …My children are the greatest gifts I have known but Elie is particularly special.  She makes my life far richer, more contemplative and more full of joy than it ever would have been without her."  A Grace Given p. 41, 45

This week I had the great joy of reading A Grace Given, the testimony of a father’s love for his dying daughter.  It is a privileged look into the soul of a father and his journey toward self-discovery through relation to his firstborn daughter, rendered handicapped in her battle with a brain tumor.  It is a love story.    

In the wee hours, when she has lain stiff in the nurse’s arms since midnight and even Liz cannot put her to sleep, I will take her in my lap, hold her hand in mine, wrap the blanket around her and she will soften slowly, then bat her eyelids heavily, and within moments drift off into a deep sleep.  She is waiting for me to come to her, but had no way of telling the nurse or Liz other than by stiffening out.  (p. 47)

Elie’s illness sets her father on a journey of faith.  While his wife Liz leans on her Catholic faith to carry her through their crises, Kent Gilges speaks honestly of his own struggles and questions regarding faith and meaning and suffering.  In the end it is Elie herself, in her utter vulnerability and neediness, who unlocks the door to communion with God for her father. 

The truth is that God brings suffering into our lives because suffering brings us closer to Him.  This is the beauty hidden in a brain tumor.  It is a key that unlocks the box filled with love, hope, generosity, beauty, care, gentleness… Why did God give my daughter a brain tumor?  I do not know.  I cannot hope to know.  But He did, and it has brought a blessedness to our home and our lives that never would have entered there otherwise. (p. 107, 109)

John Paul II, in his play The Radiation of Fatherhoodspeaks about how God the Father desires His Fatherly love to radiate out through human fatherhood.  A Grace Given is a word picture of this radiation.  It is the story of how the vulnerability of a daughter gives birth to a father’s heart.  Through his decision to stand the entire six hours of his daughter’s surgery in solidarity with her, his turmoil over how best to love and provide for his daughter, his grief at being separated from her, and most of all his utter delight in her, he gives us a tiny glimpse of God the Father’s solicitude for us.  This is poignantly portrayed in a passage in which Gilges speculates on his daughters thoughts as he bathes her.

You might wonder what I think about when I’m floating in the bathtub with my eyes closed.  That’s the best part of the story.  I think about God.  I try to imagine what it will be like when God holds me … They say that when I visit God, I will sit on His lap and talk to Him for a long time, and when I fall asleep, He’s going to give me to the angels to hold while I wait for Mommy and Daddy.  I like to think about that in the bathtub because I think being held by God is a lot like being held by Daddy, except better.  (p. 72)

Through revealing his own ‘father’s heart’, Gilges gives us a telling glimpse into the heart of God which theological speculation can never achieve.  I am grateful for his vulnerability in this and I am delighted to recommend his book.

Top 10 Pro-Life Quotes

Yes, this is completely subjective and in no particular order.
Please add others in the comments.

Top 10 Pro-Life Quotes:

"It is a poverty that a “child must die”, So that you may live as you wish."
-Mother Teresa

"The Gospel of Life is not for believers alone: it is for everyone. The issue of life and its defense and promotion is not a concern of the Christian alone. Although faith provides special light and strength, this question arises in every human conscience which seeks the truth and which cares about the future of humanity. Life certainly has a sacred and religious value, but in no way is that value a concern only of believers. The value at stake is one which every human being can grasp by the light of reason; thus it necessarily concerns everyone." 
-Pope John Paul II

"I feel that the greatest destroyer of peace today is abortion, because it is a war against the child, a direct killing of the innocent child, murder by the mother herself. And if we accept that a mother can kill even her own child, how can we tell other people not to kill one another? ... By abortion, the mother does not learn to love, but kills even her own child to solve her problems. And, by abortion, that father is told that he does not have to take any responsibility at all for the child he has brought into the world. The father is likely to put other women into the same trouble. So abortion just leads to more abortion. Any country that accepts abortion is not teaching its people to love, but to use any violence to get what they want. This is why the greatest destroyer of love and peace is abortion."
-Mother Teresa

“I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion is already born.”
-Ronald Reagan

"To dissociate the child from love is, for our species, a methodological error: contraception, which is to make love without making a child; artificial (in vitro) fertilization, which is to make a child without making love; abortion, which is to unmake the child; and pornography, which is to unmake love: all these, to varying degrees, are incompatible with natural law."
-Jerome LeJeune

"How can there be too many children? That is like saying there are too many flowers."
-Mother Teresa

"America you are beautiful...and blessed.... The ultimate test of your greatness is the way you treat every human being, but especially the weakest and most defenseless. If you want equal justice for all and true freedom and lasting peace, then America, defend life."
-Pope John Paul II

"Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you; before you were born I sanctified you."
-Jeremiah 1:5

"Human life must be respected and protected absolutely from the moment of conception. From the first moment of his existence, a human being must be recognized as having the rights of a person - among which is the inviolable right of every innocent being to life."
-Catechism of the Catholic Church 2270

"The fundamental human right, the presupposition of every other right, is the right to life itself. This is true of life from the moment of conception until its natural end. Abortion, consequently, cannot be a human right -- it is the very opposite. It is a deep wound in society."
-Pope Benedict XVI

***What other quotes do you think should be on the list?***

Turning Tragedy Into Politics

Rahm Emmanuel is currently the mayor of Chicago and previously was White House Chief of Staff. In 2008, he said:

"Never let a serious crisis go to waste. What I mean by that is it's an opportunity to do things you couldn't do before."

This has become a powerful way of thinking for most politicians. They use tragedies, crises, and evil acts of others to advance their own political agendas. This has been evident in the reaction to the horrible evil that happened just a few short days ago. Within hours, both sides of the gun-control issue started to make arguments for and against gun control. I won't get into it here, but suffice it to say that I find such reactions remarkably callous, shallow, sad, and especially significant.

Why "significant"?

It shows just how much modern culture believes the solution to our problems can be fixed through political policies. It assumes we have the "power" to prevent evil (by either having more guns available for law-abiding citizens or getting rid of them all together).

Both sides of the argument miss the point. Evil is senseless.

To make sense = "to have meaning."
Yet, evil is not a thing and therefore has no meaning. In fact, it is a lack of something. Evil is a lack of goodness. Just as darkness is a lack of light, so evil is a lack of goodness. When we think of it this way, we see that God, who is good by His nature, did not "create" of "invent" evil. Rather, it is God's creatures' failure to be good which allowed evil to enter into existence.

So, political solutions may provide an illusion of meaning, but ultimately they fail. There is no meaning to evil outside of the cross. From the cross Jesus screams out to us:

"I know it hurts, I too have suffered. But, suffering is my way of salvation for you and for many others. Combine your suffering with mine and great good will come of it.
I hear your cry to heaven and I am with you still.
Do not lose hope, but believe and be saved.
Your suffering is only for a short time.
Soon you can rest with me.
Believe. Love. Hope.
I am with you."

But, when we interject a political solution into such tragedies, even before the bodies of the slain are laid to rest, we give a much different kind of answer to the problems:

"There is nothing good that can come of this. There is nothing except evil here. Thuse, there is nothing which can help us except making sure it never happens again. If you would only believe in the almighty political solutions, then we can eradicate evil and create a world without such tragedies."

Ultimately, it is an exercise in nihilism and is a statement that our culture has forgotten the crucified Christ. It is a belief that there is no higher power than the government. Thus, it shuns hope.

I say "no" to such politics.
I say "no" to such lies.

This is not to say there is never a time for political debates, but the right time is not while the wounds are so fresh. Not unless you believe you should "never let a serious crisis go to waste."

Christ is coming to meet us once more in a few short days as a little baby who, as a man, will suffer just as the children in Newtown, CT did. He is not a God who fails to understand and provide TRUE meaning to the riddle of evil. Just as St. Paul once wrote:

"Indeed I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as refuse, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own, based on law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith; that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that if possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead." -Phil 3:8-11

Pray. Mourn. Believe.

Why Does God Allow Suffering?

One of the most common questions asked is about the seeming contradiction between God's goodness and human suffering.

• Why would God allow innocent children suffer?
• Why do bad things happen to good people?
• If God is good, why do we suffer so much?
• If God really loves us, why doesn't He take away suffering?

These questions, and many others like them, haunt many people.

The answers some have received do not always satisfy unless we have a good idea of who God is. To really understand the answer, and in turn God's very nature, we have to dive into exploring the nature of evil first.

Evil is not a thing. In fact, it is a lack of something. Evil is a lack of goodness. Just as darkness is a lack of light, so evil is a lack of goodness. When we think of it this way, we see that God, who is good by His nature, did not "create" of "invent" evil. Rather, it is God's creatures' failure to be good which allowed evil to enter into existence.

Furthermore, the reason death and physical suffering exist is because there is spiritual and moral evil. The cause of suffering and death is ultimately man's sin. Because of our disobedience we suffer, in both body and soul. What we have earned by our sin is suffering and death for eternity.

This also helps us to understand the eternal love of God for us. "But God proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us." -Romans 5:7. Even though what we merit by our evil is death and punishment, we are forgiven.

The amazing thing about this paradox of love overcoming evil is that it leads us to the answer of why God allows evil. The answer is found in the cross.

Suffering and physical death are not good, but neither are they evil in and of themselves. In fact, through the cross, suffering and death can be redemptive. That is, they can help us to re-capture some of the purity, love and holiness that we are called to. The cross is God's answer to evil. In it, He conquers and shows us how to overcome it.

From this the questions might be turned on their head. We can now understand why bad things happen to good people, but why do good things happen to bad people? It is once again because of the love that God has for all people. Not just the "good" ones.

Suffering and death can lead to holiness and union with God. Therefore, it isn't as evil as we make it out to be. It is the eternal death of the soul we should be afraid of. All of this perfectly explains the reason St. Paul could write these words to the Romans:

"For if, by the transgression of one person, death came to reign through that one, how much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and of the gift of justification come to reign in life through the one person Jesus Christ. In conclusion, just as through one transgression condemnation came upon all, so through one righteous act acquittal and life came to all. For just as through the disobedience of one person the many were made sinners, so through the obedience of one the many will be made righteous. The law entered in so that transgression might increase but, where sin increased, grace overflowed all the more, so that, as sin reigned in death, grace also might reign through justification for eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." - Romans 5:17-21

But, in the midst of suffering all of the reasons still don't necessarily make suffering easy.

Here are some thoughts from Abbot Charles Wright:


Further Reading:
**Where Are You God?
**Evil Once Again
**How God Uses Our Suffering